Last week, during my ambitious seven-mile run, I had the pleasure of talking to a man named TJ. TJ was hooping at a basketball court where I had decided to take a quick break to stretch. He first told me to have a blessed day, but then he began to talk about how, despite any challenges I am facing in my life, I should remember I can get past them. 

He described how much bigger we are compared to the issues we face throughout our lives. He said we need to rise above the challenges and keep moving forward.

TJ found me at the perfect time because I really needed to hear his kind words. One thing he said which really stood out to me was,

“It’s important to have people you can vent to. Sometimes you just need to let everything out and talk through things. You can’t keep everything built up inside; it’s no good for you. Surround yourself with those that are willing to listen.”

~ TJ, local hooper and motivational speaker

I thought about our brief conversation for the rest of my run. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where it feels like it’ll never get better. When we think there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, how do we find a way to make ourselves believe there is?  

I have been in a rut for a while, and whether TJ could sense this or not, he gave me a reason to believe in that light. Listening to a grown man talk about how important it is to express your emotions and find people who can help support you was honestly moving. 

Beyond the wisdom TJ passed onto me, he was effortlessly authentic and vulnerable. There was no hesitation for him to share how he has people he can lean on when he needs them, and how important it is to have those people in your life. 

A lot of people struggle with communicating their feelings. Let’s talk about it.

Share How YOU Feel

Feelings are so messy and complicated. It’s like when children feel sick. They can’t exactly describe what hurts or what is making them feel ill, but they know they don’t feel great. Finding the root of these problems can be the scarier, dark looming cave that we refuse to venture through.

Sometimes the most helpful solutions can be just talking about it. If you have a person in your life who is willing to listen, start talking because not only will they be happy you shared this with them, but you will also feel a lot better. (And let me tell you, I have some very good people in my life because I can talk A LOT–ask my mom). 

Maybe you don’t necessarily have the words to articulate your feelings, but you might be able to share experiences and navigate where these emotions are coming from. 

This isn’t as easy as TJ makes it seem, but it emphasizes the importance of authenticity. One of the beautiful things about humans is we share the same emotions, and we feel them very differently. 

We have all been excited, sad, angry, heartbroken, lonely, confused, tired, cautious, and the list could go on and on and on. When we are simply humans being, we are able to remember we are not alone in the way we feel. Emotions are one of the beautiful parts of life that can connect us and remind us it’s not only ourselves living in these complicated times. 

Aside from connecting through the way we feel, there’s also the beauty of vulnerability. Has someone ever shared a deep personal secret with you? Or sporadically cried in front of you? Or called you as soon as they found out the good news? 

In all of these moments, and many others, the people around you are being authentic and vulnerable. They’re sharing something that truly matters to them, and we should feel grateful to be on the receiving end. 

All of the blogs I write and share are extremely out of my comfort zone. I am telling an audience of people about my life, my thoughts, my opinions, my experiences, my wins and losses because I love to connect. I have always been unsure of my writing, never wanting to share it until I felt it was perfect. But from the feedback I have received, I know there are people out there who can connect and relate to whatever it is I have to say each week, and that’s all I wanted in the first place.

I stopped letting the fear of trying to be the “New York Times Best Selling Author” discourage me from writing. I decided to put the best I can out there. I treasure the feedback, the comments, the Instagram story swipes where people share that they read what I have to say, and I keep writing. I continue to be vulnerable in front of a number of unknown eyes reading this. 

(By the way, I do not think Colleen Hoover should be the NYT’s Best Selling Author, but that’s for another blog). 

Thank you for being here and reading this. Whether you love it or hate it, you’ve come this far. All it took was a little courage to really share my thoughts. I decided maybe what I had to say was important enough to share with others. 

Getting to this point was much easier said than done. Luckily for me, I am a very open person to begin with; I have no problem expressing my thoughts. And when you put the pen in hand, or in this case the fingers to keyboard, I am able to articulate more than I ever could speak. But how are we able to bypass the cramming thoughts in our head and turn them into spoken words?

How To Get Out of Your Own Head

Have you ever felt anxious about an upcoming moment and created this whole scene in your head that it begins to consume you? All the things that could go wrong, or maybe right, and the majority of the little details you created about this future scenario you visualized in your head never even end up happening. 

Some may say you’re an overthinker, a future-tripper, a worrier, an anxious mess, and it’s an exhausting little cycle. Maybe your boss schedules a meeting with you at the end of the week, and you spend the time leading up to the meeting worrying about all of the little things they could complain about. Maybe you even create a situation in your head where you’re fired! 

The good thing to know is everyone does this. When there are moments of uncertainty in our lives, whether it involves change, uncomfortable conversations, or unwanted surprises, we begin to panic. It may even be an ingrained habit for some of us, where we don’t necessarily mean to overthink situations but we do it so reflexively it becomes a part of routine. 

Then the situation we have embellished in our heads for much longer than we needed to arises. 

And before we have time to blink, it’s over. All the worrying, the build up, and the stress we put ourselves through disappears before we even have the opportunity to give it another thought. 

Maybe everything wasn’t perfect, and maybe everything was better than we expected, but we’re still here, right? Regardless of the outcome, we still are living and breathing and now just waiting for the next anxiety-inducing moment. 

Think about the last time you felt anxious about an upcoming event. When all was said and done how did you feel afterwards, and how do you feel now? 

Looking back on moments in my life where I have felt so anxious beforehand, I can happily say I am sitting on my couch right now feeling completely at peace. None of these moments caused an extreme detrimental impact on me, and whether the result was positive or negative, I grew from it. 

Overthinking can be a recipe for disaster, causing us to spend too much time worrying about the future instead of living in the now. So I asked myself, how can we restructure overthinking into something productive? 

Turning Recurring Nightmares Into Innovative Inhibitions

Unfortunately, there is no overnight fix to solve this problem. Whenever a scary situation is in the future, our brains automatically go into panic-mode. How do we undo this learned behavior? 

• Acknowledge the unknown. 

For the first time in years, you are going on a first date. Every terrible outcome you could imagine pops into your head. You could spill your drink on yourself, or even worse… your date. What if they don’t look like their Tinder profile? What if there’s absolutely nothing to talk about? New, unpleasant scenarios pop into your head constantly. 

When a thought of worry simulates into your mind, it’s important to acknowledge it. You are feeling this way for some reason: it could be due to past experiences, the fear of the unknown, or insecurities you may feel about yourself. Whether or not you can answer the reason why you may be feeling this way is okay, it’s nothing to worry more about. But allow yourself to acknowledge your worry, and then kiss it goodbye!

• Focus on what’s in your control. 

Many of the things we worry about we have no control over. Maybe you’re concerned about traffic on your way to your new job, so you leave 15 minutes early just in case, but there’s an accident on the highway and now it says you’ll be arriving 5 minutes late. Or maybe you leave 15 minutes early, and there’s no traffic and you end up arriving 20 minutes before you need to be there. Being late was out of your control, and you prepared for it whether you got caught in traffic or not.

The things you have control over you can be in charge of, but the rest of the world isn’t structured around your agenda. So when we become an anxious mess, try to alienate those thoughts on the aspects that you can control. Once you can accept that you’re doing everything you can to make the experience positive, you’re already taking a step in the right direction. 

• Talk about it. 

As I mentioned before, this is much easier said than done, but what’s stopping us from sharing how we feel? When expressing our emotions to those who care about us, we shouldn’t feel judgment. Maybe there will be criticism, but it’s all out of love. Those who truly care about us only want the best for us, and as hard as that is to believe sometimes, it’s the truth. So if your dad is nagging you for not getting a summer job while in between school years, it’s not because he thinks you’re lazy or unmotivated; it’s because he wants the best for you. 

On the other hand, if there is a point where you feel overly criticized and belittled, it’s important to set boundaries. When you’re sharing something vulnerable about yourself with someone, it can be important to clarify why you’re doing so. You might seek validation in your feelings, or you’re searching for advice from a person who holds wisdom, or you may just be looking for someone to listen. No matter the reason for talking to someone, it is always important to set boundaries when they’re needed. 

• Practice mindfulness

Sometimes the most effective strategy to deal with anxiety are mindfulness activities. This could be journaling about what is on your mind, exercising, meditation, listening to music, etc. All of these practices are opportunities to help manage your stress and relax your mind in times of uncertainty. They are small yet effective strategies which allow us to take a deep breath and reset. 

If the other strategies seem out of reach for you at this period of time, then start by going for a 10-minute walk. Put your headphones on and take a moment to notice everything around you. The bumpy cut-up sidewalk beneath your shoes, the cars traveling past, the humidity in the air. Giving yourself time to prioritize your own needs can help manage moments of anxiety. 

Again, this is all always easier said than done, but committing to these practices, as scary as they may seem, can truly make all the difference. Especially when we feel there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh Wait! I See the Light!

Can you believe it? The trench you can’t seem to escape actually has a way out where you feel good-about where you’re at in your life, and yourself. It’s hard to believe, but it’s possible. 

I have been trying to start a blog since summer 2023. I even took a course and everything, Udemy’s Blogging Masterclass, created by Brad Merrill, link to blog class: Brad Merrill’s Blogging Masterclass. It has taken me so long to share my writing due to my own overthinking, but now I don’t think I’ll ever stop. 

When I couldn’t see the light, I was constantly thinking, planning, writing and deleting. I was holding myself back, fearing no one cared about what I had to say, and maybe no one truly does, but here I am, finally writing, consistently, and sharing my life to those who are here searching for the answers too. 

(And yes, I know the handful of you that are out there reading this. Thank you for being here). 

I over-thought it for so long that I didn’t put my first blog out until 3 months ago, and even then, I never checked on the blog or wrote another because I was too nervous. But I stopped overthinking it all and just kept writing. Each blog I have created, this far, has been a culmination of past and present experiences. If you ever talk to me our conversation may be referenced, or featured in a post. But that’s the beauty of what I’m trying to represent. 

We are people; our lives vary on many levels, but there are so many ways for us to connect. 

The next time you are overthinking an event in your life, give yourself some grace, and accept the uncertainty, or at least the parts out of your control. For the things you can control, trust yourself and be certain the choices you make will lead you to where you’re supposed to be.  It is a small shift in mindset, and it takes dedication, but it can open up endless possibilities. Accept what you can control and let the rest happen as it does. 

It also helps to talk through things, even when they seem small. It’s terrifying to admit how you feel, to succumb to the honesty of your heart, but that’s what living is all about. We’re meant to feel, and while we wish all of those feelings could be positive and endearing, the hurtful ones are just as important. They allow us to reflect and learn, and to grow and change. Isn’t life just beautiful?

Remember, overcoming overthinking and embracing vulnerability is a journey. Take it one step at a time, and don’t hesitate to seek support from those around you. You’re not alone in this.

If I have the opportunity to see TJ again, I plan to thank him for helping me reframe my mindset. He seems to know a lot more about being in touch with ourselves and our feelings than I do. It’s not the challenge that defines us, but how we end up because of it, and if there’s a way to make that road a bit easier, I plan on enduring it, one day at a time. 

Baby steps…

Until next time,

Meils