An ode to my U10 girls, and to all of the youth athletes I have had the privilege of working with this season.

As I noted in my previous blog, in August of 2023, I was presented an opportunity which would change the trajectory of my entire life. A former coach of mine and a close friend asked me if I was interested in coaching a U10 girls soccer team the upcoming fall.

Before I accepted the offer, I was skeptical, but it seems I may have made one of the best decisions of my life. I played soccer all throughout my youth at various levels, but then I left the sport once I graduated high school. I never thought I’d touch a soccer ball again.

That was until I was brought into such a loving and supportive environment–it was contagious. And although I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, through guidance, mentorship and a lot of patience from three people I could never thank enough, I feel as though I have found one of my passions.

What Even is Passion?

Passion is when you are so absorbed in what you are doing that you forget to check your phone. It’s when you are completely immersed in the moment. It’s where you get swept away into an entirely other universe, one where your main focus is centered around what you’re doing. 

There aren’t any distractions, nothing taking your mind off of what is right in front of you; passion is a moment you can recall in full detail. 

It’s a feeling that comes from within you; no words can explain it.

How did I find out this is a passion of mine?

I wanted to be there everyday. I wanted to be with my team, and then work with other teams I wasn’t a part of. I loved helping the athletes develop, and the coaches I got to work with created such a welcoming and uplifting environment. After we wrapped up training sessions, we would stand around for hours talking about all things football.

It wasn’t just some pastime, hobby, or job to get me by–it became a vision. Something I can picture myself doing for many years to come, where I’m continuously growing with those around me. Of course, it was never going to be easy, but is it really all that exciting when it’s easy?

Some of us are lucky enough to find our passions right away, but for most, it takes time, filled with lots of trial and error. What we love isn’t always placed directly in front of us, but isn’t it a part of our purpose to find out?

In this day and age, everyone just expects us to know what we love. When we pick our major or make any big decision for that matter, we’re expected to know full heartedly we’re making the best choice for ourselves. 

The reality is we don’t know what’s right for ourselves until we go out there and try it, though. This leads to moments that feel like failures, or wrong choices. This is a misconception; the mistakes we make throughout the journey lead us to the bigger picture! If you feel the pressure to figure out what’s right for you, just know it’s going to show up when you least expect it. In the meantime, keep learning more about yourself. 

In a discussion with a friend from UConn recently he said to me,

“It’s so refreshing to hear that someone is actually doing something they truly enjoy.”

Isn’t it sad to hear that out of so many recent college graduates there’s only a handful doing something they really care about? A needle in a haystack some may say, so how can we switch this narrative? How do we really find our passion?

Discovering What Matters

Even though society forces us to believe we need to know it all, we simply just don’t. It’s up to us to do the work to understand more about ourselves, and if this isn’t enough, I can refer you to a therapist. 

Searching for your passion can feel like a never-ending game. It involves understanding yourself and discovering what truly brings you joy. 

When I started my role as a coach, I honestly had no clue what I was doing. I was eager to learn but also timid due to my unfamiliarity with the subject. Being in charge of 12 girls ages seven to ten may have been one of the most intimidating challenges I’ve ever taken on. 

I remember my first training session. I had no idea what level the athletes would be at, but I wanted to be fully prepared. I knew more than anything, if I displayed a belief in them, they would believe in me, and it would lead to us all growing. I showed up to the field in a UConn t-shirt, my five-year-old boots, and with a lot of hope–trying my best. My co-coaches introduced me to the girls, and then we went around in a circle saying our names, how old we were, and our favorite soccer player.

I could never have prepared myself enough for this.

I instantly loved what I was doing and focused solely on helping the girls. I want to become a great coach. I want to be as knowledgeable as the coaches I work with. I dedicated a lot of my time showing up to their games and training sessions and observing how they led their teams. My commitment paid off as I feel confident in my own abilities to lead.

The growth-oriented environment they created for me made it so simple to be a leader to my girls. I was given the space for trial and error, with constructive criticism that helped lead me to success. There is still so much to learn, but I have enjoyed the entire process.

One of the most terrifying moments this year was the first tournament I coached at. It was an indoor dome-shaped facility. Hundreds of little soccer players flooded the area, kicking around while their parents and siblings clung to the walls awaiting their game time. Coaches lined the sidelines observing other teams. I felt like a fish in the middle of the desert, out of place and clinging onto dear life. 

Although I played in several tournaments just like this one, I was intimidated because of the new role I had taken on. I thought I would be alone at the tournament, hoping I would be making the right decisions and my girls could hear my directions against the other dozens of coaches yelling to their athletes. 

When I pulled into the parking lot, at 6:30 on a Saturday morning, one of my co-coaches was there handing me a coffee and he said, “Are you ready?”

I don’t think I’ve ever thanked the coach enough for being there with me that day. I felt a new wave of confidence take over, and the extra guidance held true value. It was a stepping stone in my coaching career, and it made me love the community I was in even more.

It’s Not Easy, But It’s Worth it

Pursuing something you’re passionate about takes work and commitment. The Mona Lisa took 16 years to be painted, and now it is one of the most valuable pieces of art in the world. When you feel something is worth it, it will never be an easy process. The highs and lows will naturally occur throughout the process, but you’ll know in your heart, no matter how big the challenge may be, it’s worth it.

Coaching has been one of the most rewarding challenges I have had the opportunity to endure. While overall it has been a positive experience, it also has brought moments where I’ve struggled, where I’ve had to overcome certain barriers.

One of the biggest challenges I anticipated when I took on this role was related to my gender. Even when I became more established and confident in my coaching abilities, I would still have high school boys call me “miss” instead of “coach”. They did a lot of push-ups until they could get that one right. 

I knew what I was getting myself into, and how certain challenges I endured were not things my male co-coaches could relate to. While it was a learning curve for me, it also opened their perspective. It provided me with a new community in moments where I needed it the most. And I’m beginning to learn how to deal with intersectionality as a coach.

Being a woman of color in a male-dominated job field is a challenge. However, one thing I love about being involved in the soccer world is how diverse the environments are. You’re dealing with people from so many different backgrounds: varying races, income statuses, home lives, genders, sexual orientations, etc. It was a challenge, but I found ways to connect with the athletes, and earn their trust and respect despite my gender.

When we’re continuously putting our effort into something we care about, it will never be a simple process.  Between balancing schedules, learning how to excel in your role, juggling your relationships there will always be hills to climb when working towards what you care about. 

Moments where we struggle are inevitable, but the good times will remind you why you’re committed to what you’re doing. We need to continue to learn from the mistakes and the mishaps and grow from where we started. 

The old saying is, “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and this statement holds true to anything someone is passionate about. Time, commitment, and effort will prevail in the long run. If your heart’s in it, then only good things are to come. 

9 to 5 Who?

Since I’ve graduated, people ask me what I’m doing for a career or what my ambitions are. When I tell them I’m a coach and that is what I think I want to do with my life, they look at me like I have three heads. Why is this?

I had a conversation with a priest this past weekend, and when I was describing to him how much I loved to coach and why I continued to do it, he completely understood my decision-making. While grasping his arm he said,

“Passion isn’t something that is explained; it is something that is felt.” 

My eyes began to water because look, the reality is, when I tell people I am a coach, and my career objective is to coach (and write) full time, they never know what to say. And luckily, I don’t care. Coaching serves something that is so much deeper to me. 

American culture has developed this ideology that success is traditional. Something that is both stable and relatable. When we have careers that may seem out of the ordinary, it’s difficult for others to understand our ambitions–they have to witness it.

I am not, by any means, saying you should give up your well paying job to become a SoundCloud rapper. However, if you have always loved making music you should explore ways to do that in your free time. As much as I wish we could all quit our jobs and do what we really love, it’s not possible in this economy. 

Throughout coaching I worked various jobs. Restaurant jobs, daytime jobs, anything I could do to save some extra money here and there. Most of the season I would  go to one job, then the next, and then coach at night. When you’re passionate about something the hustle is real, but it’s worth it.

If I had to explain why I really loved coaching, it’s simple: I love helping other people. Of course, I love the game of football, but more than anything, I love watching others grow, I love watching them find a way to believe in themselves, and I love all the good that comes out of it. 

My U10 girls have developed such a love for the game, and especially the women’s side of it all. Alex Morgan was someone I looked up to when I was their age, and they love her and so many other women’s players just as much. Uplifting the women of the future, and teaching them anything is possible, is such a reward in itself. 

So to others, sure I might seem crazy for dedicating countless hours of my week to training young athletes, but I’m not only developing their soccer skills; I’m also teaching them how to be good people and enjoying every moment of it. 

It’s not always about the paycheck or the title or anything I thought the workforce was all about. It’s about finding your why and letting it excel you as far as you can go. 

Your Turn

Evaluating what is important to you and brings you the most fulfillment is step one. Think about different interests you have, things that you like to spend your weekends doing, what makes you smile. Out of the lists you’ve created, where do you see yourself finding the most fulfillment, being the most successful, or enjoying it the most? 

Now, out of this list, however big or small, where can you see yourself being the most ambitious? Which one of these activities would you not mind doing consecutively? 

We cannot learn what brings us true excitement without testing the waters. This forces us to step out of our comfort zone and then reflect on how it made us feel. 

Like I mentioned before, passion is found from within. It’s not something you’ll ever just know, but you’ll come to learn and understand through experiences. Maybe your passion is running a team of 60 people at a corporate office, maybe it’s being a su-chef at a restaurant, maybe it’s being a school counselor, maybe it’s running an Etsy shop–whatever your passion is you deserve to embrace it and do it to your fullest extent. 

The Beginning of New Beginnings

The title of this blog is “The End of Beginnings”, a brilliant song by the artist DJO. It connects to how my first year of coaching has come to an end. What was new, and will continue to evolve, has become something that is a part of me. I could never imagine my life any other way. 

Which brings me to my next new beginning. In the fall, I will be an assistant coach for the Albertus Magnus College Women’s Soccer team (I will simultaneously be pursuing my masters). This change is scary and very intimidating, but I’m excited to take the next step to grow in what I’m passionate about. 

I could not have reached this point without the belief from my U10 girls and my co-coaches. They believe in me the same way I believe in them, and maybe sometimes all you need to achieve your goals is remembering to believe.

There have been so many moments throughout this season I wish I could relive. Some of the recent highlights include Anika’s first goal, Remi finally using her foot skills in games, Reagan pulling another girl to the ground, Melanie understanding she needs to carry the ball forward and not out of bounds, and so many more small achievements I have had the privilege to witness my girls accomplish. 

Not only have the girls become talented soccer stars, they also have become leaders, hard workers, and really close friends. As the season progressed they would see each other outside of practice–going to other teams games, spending time at each other’s houses, and they had all these inside jokes I had to try and keep up with. The community they built for themselves is something that will always be so special to the entire team. 

I would not be taking this next step in my career without witnessing their growth. I knew every time I watched someone learn something, I was doing the same. My girls and their very dedicated parents believed I could help them succeed and I really think we all did. 

Never give up on what you believe in. You might be filled with doubt and uncertainty, but when you know you’re doing the right thing for yourself, you feel it. If you truly invest your time and effort into whatever is it that moves you, good things are bound to come.

It’s never going to be easy, but when you care about something, every single moment is worth it. Explore what matters to you, and let the sky be your limit–who knows where you’ll end up.

As I reflect on this season and everything I’ve learned from my athletes, fellow coaches, and myself, I feel a deep sense of nostalgia. Looking at where we began and at all the room there is to grow. 

Until next time,

Meils