Have you ever faced a moment where speaking up cost you dearly, but you knew it was the right thing to do?

A few months ago, I was let go from a job after I raised concerns about a change in my hourly wage. I had been with the company for four years without any complaints or issues. When new management reduced my wage, I professionally expressed my discomfort, considering my tenure and previous pay. A week later, I was let go. This experience made me realize how often we are faced with the choice between authenticity and conformity. 

Often, we confuse doing the right thing with staying quiet. We choose to keep our mouths shut when, in reality, we have the right to speak up for ourselves. My experience at work was just one instance where I chose authenticity over silence, even though it came at a cost. 

When I was younger, my parents always reminded me to stay true to who I am, regardless of the situation. From ages 8 to 16, they said this to me at least once a week, constantly reinforcing that being myself is most important.

I thank them for giving me the strength to approach each day with full confidence in who I am. This trait has pushed me out of my comfort zone and sometimes put me in awkward situations, but it has always kept me centered. I never felt pressured to do things others were doing, or to keep up with my peers. It can be especially challenging as a teenager when you most want to feel accepted by those around you. It’s the fine line between doing what you think will make you seem cool based on societal pressures, and doing what truly matters to you. 

In a world of trendiness, it can feel difficult to keep up with everyone, especially because of social media. The digital world is filled with smiles, exotic vacations, glamorous fashion, and fun events. It creates a sense of urgency to do more than what we are already doing. 

Oh, so-and-so just moved to Paris? Why am I still living at home? Your timeline may feel like more of a reminder of everything you’re not doing rather than what you are. Do not let other people’s adventures take away from your own. Do not think you have to impress others just to keep up with the trends.

Society pressures us to conform; we all want to find our place, but it should never come at the cost of our true selves. The beauty of humanity is our individuality; never change for anyone but yourself. 

Free to Be You and Me

Does anyone remember the children’s album, “Free to Be You and Me”? Created in 1972 by artist Marlo Thomas & Friends, its overall message was about being yourself and knowing you can accomplish anything you want. 

I remember singing the songs in my second-grade classroom. What an impactful message to share with children. When we’re taught from a young age to be ourselves, unapologetically, we are able to nurture our individuality and build ourselves up because we believe we have the freedom to be ourselves.

As we grow older, it feels more difficult to find our own voice amidst the crowd of others. My first year at UConn was a mess; I didn’t like it at all. My friends would go out and ask me to join, but I would have rather stayed in my dorm or gone home. Even when my friends would hem and haw at my door, I knew if I went, I wouldn’t really be enjoying myself, and so I said no. 

Obviously, things have changed since then, but in that moment, I made the choice to be true to myself. I didn’t enjoy going to frat parties, so I would decline the invitation–not because I didn’t want to be with my friends, but I seriously just hated being crammed in a smelly, moldy basement. 

Without the backbone instilled in me as a child, I wouldn’t be able to make these decisions as an adult now. I grew the confidence to not care about what others thought of me because I was doing right by myself. This isn’t always easy; sometimes it can feel like you’re swimming against the current, but if you keep at it, you’ll find yourself in the right place.

Staying true to yourself is all about authenticity. It is a combination of the beliefs that ground you and the person you are at this moment in time. It comes with sacrifices, but at the end of each day, you feel fulfilled because you know you are being yourself. 

If we were taught during our childhood to be ourselves to the fullest extent, why does it seem so difficult to do that now?

But I Just Want to “Fit In”

We all want to feel a sense of comfort and belonging in the world, a space where we feel ourselves. At the same time, we want to share that space with others–a true sense of belonging in a world of millions of individual people. Both things can be true at once; we can be our true, most authentic selves in an environment with other people.

Finding that space can seem impossible. Sometimes it may feel easier to succumb to societal expectations and walk the same path as everyone else. However, these spaces are out there. 

I am lucky enough to have spaces where I can completely be myself–my family, my friends, and the coaches I work with are my prime examples of where I feel a strong sense of self. I’m not fearful of judgment or rejection in these spaces because those around me accept the person I am and make me better for it.

We may feel pressure to conform when making career choices, pursuing something safe or reliable because that’s what someone else thinks you should do. Listen to what your heart and mind are telling you, and make the best decision for yourself.

Another place we feel pressured can be with our peers. Maybe you are with a group of friends, and they are gossiping about someone you consider to be a dear friend. How do you respond in a moment like this one?

Bring Love Where You Go

Reflecting on my time at UConn, UConn Television Station (UCTV) was my sanctuary, filled with creative individuals lifting each other up. 

My role as the Advertising Director during my junior year was a challenge. My primary goal was to rebuild the department back to what it was before COVID. This experience serves as a testament to the power of authentic leadership. By the end of the year, I had 35 recurring members, many of which have held board positions since I left UConn.

How was I able to bring the department back to what it was? I thought about how I felt while I was there, the energy that was created in the room, and the way my peers believed in me. I wanted to provide the same experience to everyone else joining the department. 

I wanted each member to explore their means of creative expression and be as supportive as I could along the way. I wanted each person to feel a sense of belonging, that when they sat in the meetings, at an editing desk, in the studio, or held a camera, they had a voice in the room that never needed to be hindered or changed. 

This experience at UCTV did not only provide me with true fulfillment, but it also helped others see themselves for who they were. They found friendships where they felt they didn’t have to pretend to be anyone else and gained the confidence that authenticity can take you so far in the creative and professional world. I’m still in touch with many of them. 

One of my peers recently reached out and wrote me the message,

“You were really integral to me gaining confidence in my ability and believing that I could pursue a career in media…”

In doing this, I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I wasn’t or put on a show to keep people entertained. I simply provided a space to be myself and to let others do the same. Strong positive environments can be built from the roots of authenticity, and their impact can be everlasting.

Embracing Your True Self

Sometimes the idea of being yourself can feel more like a challenge than a reward, but I assure you, there is never any fault in being who you are. In a world that constantly pressures us to conform, staying true to ourselves is an act of courage. Embrace your uniqueness, and you’ll find the places and people that truly value.

We aren’t here to be like everyone else; we’re here to understand our own voice and what it means to just be you. It’s a daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. When we find a way to be ourselves, the sensation of belonging transpires, and we suddenly find places where we feel at home.

My parents knew and taught me early on that if I have a good head on my shoulders, I should never feel the need to change for anyone else. I thank them for reinforcing this idea all throughout my childhood. I would not be the person I am today without their guidance. 

You are never too much, and you are always enough. Embrace what makes you you, and you’ll find the people and places that welcome you just as you are.