If you’ve read anything prior to this, you already know my life changes a lot. Right now, I’m in this exploratory “20-something” period. There’s constant motion and then none, and then it all changes again as soon as you feel your feet on the ground. 

Flashback to Wednesday, August 8th. I did my last full day at camp. I said bye to two of the best coworkers I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. Nothing work related will be even close to the same as this summer. I got home in a hurry, finished packing my bag for family vacation, and was gone within 12 hours.

Four sleeps later, I was back home with a day to get organized and prepared for the next. Wednesday, August 13th I made my way on campus for my first day’s prep before preseason.

Preseason was in 3 days. I said my hellos to all the familiar faces and introduced myself to the new ones. I pressed 128 shirts and shorts in 90 minutes and received a lot of different news. News that occurred while I was away, but nothing I had any power to change. 

Last year at this time I was going into my first preseason as a college coach. I knew not too much about the college game, but eager to learn, ready to explore. The initial change was difficult. It tested me and brought me out of my comfort zone. I was adapting to a new unfamiliar environment and trying my best to be successful. This year I had some idea on what to expect, but change always occurs within that threshold. 

Typically, I tend to overthink change and become anxious about it when I know it’s occurring. There are always so many questions you can’t answer until you finally experience the change itself and it’s startling. But this time I let myself move with the change. Trying not to let the external situations, the things I can’t control, get the best of me.

The Things We Can’t Control

Our minds can become stunned by situations that have yet to occur. We may find ourselves playing out an infinite amount of potential outcomes in our head. Typically, I find myself lost in thought when I know something is going to change from the routine I’ve become accustom to

The adjustment of being in and out of soccer seasons is still complicated for me. I get used to the simple routine of working, being home for meals, and having more control over my time. Yet, before I know it everything is thrown back into hectic schedules and limitations. It can be overwhelming for me. 

But then I adapt because I have no other choice than to do so. I find a state of flow. And just when I finally feel comfort in the chaos the season abruptly ends and I am left with a lot of free time. 

In the weeks before the change happens, I’m restless and constantly questioning how I’ll make it work. Playing out countless interactions with no definitive outcome all because I’m nervous I’m not capable of handling it all.

Then somehow I do.

And in the end I look back, wishing I could relive the entire experience all over again.

We all have these moments, with different anxieties, expectations, and concerns and then it all is just ok at some point. 

I don’t have much advice on accepting the things out of our control, we either do or we don’t. I’m trying to get better at it. I can’t say if I am, but I’m trying. 

We’re Forever Evolving

After one week of being back in season I thought I was doing a good job balancing it all. Instead, I ended up crashing out for a month. It’s not that I don’t enjoy what I do, I love it more than anything. It’s the balancing act of it all. Juggling all the different hats I wear day to day.

To break it down, my days include: working at the nonprofit in the morning, going to college practice in the afternoon, running to youth practice right after, recruiting across Connecticut, late nights of schoolwork, and on top of that trying to simply take care of myself. 

It felt like my summer was being expressed shipped to memory lane, and I barely even said bye. 

My cousin Liz gave me some of the best advice: I needed to hear it. She said to me, “If you don’t realize how good the moment is until weeks in, even if you don’t realize it until after the seasons ended, you’ll still have done it and experienced it and probably found there were many enjoyable moments along the way.”

To me her advice was validating and reminded me I need to be patient with myself. She reminded me this is only a small moment in life, and to embrace it as it unfolds. In the last week, I have started to feel some sort of gravity beneath me. I’ve chosen to give myself grace, while investing in myself immensely. It’s made a difference. 

The After

Everything you read previously, I wrote mid September. Now, I am experiencing change… yet again. Soccer season has come to an end. I have less than a month of working for the college. The habitual act of running around all the time has come to an end.

At one point, everything felt so challenging. Now I sit and try to recreate those moments in my mind.

The feelings before and after games, brainstorming practice plans, handing in assignments 20 minutes before they were due, watching high school soccer games so intricately, scouting future AMCWS, finding my patience when coaching the younger girls, multiple coffees a day, small talk with acquaintances, staying in tune at work, car upkeep, and simply making time for it all. 

This chapter of my life is officially coming to a close. I am grateful to say there is nothing I would change about the entire experience. It is a privilege to watch athletes grow, and to be a part of the leadership team in that process. I sometimes complain about the schedule, but I can’t imagine many other places I would rather be. 

I guess, ultimately, we’re never really prepared for change, even the idea of it. We can’t accurately predict a world full of uncertainties, filled with “what ifs”. What we can prepare for is our responses to it: how we view the situation in our own minds, and what we want to take away from the time spent. 

When I got into college coaching I had not idea what to expect. But I knew I wanted to experience, learn, and grow throughout the process. No one ever said it would be a walk in the park. Instead it pushed me out of my comfort zone, and forced me to let go of past selves.

Throughout all the continuous change in my life I have become a better version of myself. A person I am happy to be.

Sometimes, we are solely focused on achieving the outcome, we forget to appreciate the road that led us there. 

This is a reminder to adapt and appreciate the in-between moments the best you can. Even if the gratitude epiphany happens after all is said and done.

Change can be good 🙂

Coach A