While I do love getting caught in the rain, and have at least half a brain, I promise this is not an ad seeking a partner. Instead, it’s the importance of vacations, and how to make the best out of any trip, inspired by a recent adventure in paradise! As human beings, we are constantly on the go, and as we grow older, our schedules become tighter and tighter… we barely find time for spontaneity and moments to be fully present. 

On this trip, I challenged myself to dissolve into every moment, not to let the close quarters I was sharing with my family get the best of me, and ultimately enjoy myself. 

One afternoon, I found myself watching a preteen set up a tripod with his phone attached, prop it next to a hammock, and take a timed photo of himself. He deserves to get millions of likes wherever that photo ends up. I thought to myself, this kid is truly living his best life with no fear of judgment or concern for the future; he is completely present. Witnessing this carefree spirit reminded me of the joy and spontaneity I aimed to embrace during my own family vacation.

I was in one of the most beautiful places in the world with my immediate family… and Joe, who many people think is a part of our family considering his similar features to my brother Marcus. We were at the tropical island of Providenciales in Turks and Caicos, specifically at the Beaches Resort. You can swim out at least 30 yards and still see the bottom of the ocean. The sand is the softest you may ever feel. Imported plants are placed in every direction you turn, and with some Bob Marley song playing in the background you may mistake yourself for being in heaven. 

If you know anything about myself and my family, it’s that this place is truly a second home to us. We have been traveling here for 10, maybe 12 years. We’ve spoilishly lost count. When we arrive people recognize us and shower us with the warm and kind greeting, “welcome home”. We honestly are kind of a big deal here, but that’s a story for another time. 

Over the years, as we’ve traveled here we have encountered many different people and been in many different situations. We have made friends that we are fortunate enough to see over the years, and we have also made friends that are only there for the week or a few days. After performing this vacation many times, we have discovered one thing: all people vacation differently.

The Different Vacationers

There are people that enjoy sleeping until noon, people that only leave the hotel room for a meal, people that have different excursions and activities planned everyday, people that sit at the swim-up bar until they forget where they’re vacationing, and so many more. It’s important to remember that everyone on vacation is trying to relax and enjoy their time. and that looks different for many of us. 

In the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, he talks about four different agreements you can make with yourself to elevate your lifestyle. It’s inspiring, aggressive and ultimately helps reshape your perspective. The last agreement discussed, my personal favorite, was the art of trying your best. Whatever action it is that you throw yourself into, if you are trying your best, you are doing enough!

Trying your best also encompassess three other key elements: being impeccable with your word, not taking things personally, and not making assumptions-but I’ll let you read the book to understand those more (book link: The Four Agreements). Trying your best looks different for everyone and different depending on every situation. All of the people we meet here are trying to have a wonderful time with their families, partners, friends, coworkers, etc., and that looks different for each of us. 

As people, we create expectations, especially when we’re on vacation. We dream up this big, beautiful fantasy in our heads, and while we are in paradise, there are still moments where our patience lapses. However, if you simply try your best–try your best to be patient, accepting, understanding, and grateful for the position you’re in–you’re doing a huge favor to yourself.

Trying your best to be present was a huge challenge for me, but I made an agreement with myself. I wanted to take each moment one at a time. One morning, instead of planning out my entire day, I focused solely on having breakfast with my family. This small shift in mindset allowed me to appreciate the present moment and the simple joy of sharing a meal, which rarely happens when we’re all home.

We all think of who we’ll be 10 years from now, and before we know it, that’ll be right around the corner. So even if we’re not exactly where we want to be in life, it is important to appreciate and make the most of what we have now. Because even 10 years from now we might wish to be living the life we are currently experiencing. 

Let’s take the late sleepers, for example. Maybe this is a teenage son in the family or an overworked mother. When they finally have the opportunity to sleep without waking up to responsibilities, they take it and run with it. To someone else in the family this may feel like they don’t care or they’re being selfish, but this person is honestly just trying their best to enjoy their vacation as well. And on top of it all, if you can find a way to still enjoy your time with them, even if they don’t roll out of bed until 11am, you’re trying your best yourself.

Trying Your Best

Dad is doing his best to reapply sunscreen onto brother, that is doing his best to not feel mortified that his dad is rubbing sunscreen on his back. While mom is doing her best to make sure everyone finds time to do something they want to do during the trip, sister is doing her best to make sure mom doesn’t feel overwhelmed by the planning. Grandma is doing her best not to micromanage how many cocktails uncle has had before noon. Uncle is doing his best to “pace himself” all the while Joe is doing his best to be patient with the family. 

Trying your best can look different given the scenario. Ruiz describes that one’s best can be, “high quality, and other times it will not be as good” (Miguel, 1997, p. 76). This is due to a multitude of factors that can be out of our control. Doing your best if you have a bad day at work and are feeling frustrated will feel completely different from doing your best after you had a fun Saturday out with your friends. 

Due to our continuously changing circumstances and environments we need to afford ourselves some grace when doing our best isn’t as good as we’d like it to be. Even when others may act out in a way that we don’t agree with, it is up to us to try our best to be patient, understanding, and empathetic. One night, I began to cry due to an emotional situation I was dealing with at home. My dad practiced the agreement and did his best to cheer me up. We spent two hours dancing at a silent disco, and we both couldn’t have enjoyed our time more.

It isn’t easy to always do our best, and our best might seem very low quality on occasion, but all we can do is try. Try to understand while your sister sleeps until noon on vacation, try to understand why your mom spends two hours at the gym when she could be on the beach, try to understand why your grandpa orders three mimosas at breakfast because he can. 

The more we try to do our best and recognize everyone around us is doing the same, we have the opportunity to live in a state of bliss, of unregarded happiness, that is only granted when we are present in the moment and see that we truly are all just humans being. 

My family had the opportunity to interact with many different families, get to know them for the week as they got to know us. It’s one of the best parts of traveling. After reflecting on all of the valuable memories we shared over the week, I understand that each individual was truly just trying their best. 

The People We Meet On Vacation

Over the course of the week we met many different people, many different families all of varying shapes and sizes. Some large groups of 10-25 people, couples, mother-son duos, new parents, and everything else in between. 

Watching families interact with each other, you see how everyone operates differently, but at the end of the day there’s a lot of love, and it’s actually a really beautiful thing. When we finally put away all of our day-to-day distractions and are allowed to be fully present with each other, there’s a lot of great moments that we find.

Everyone is finally allowed to be themselves without worrying about anything else. There’s no work in the morning, no exams to study for, no appointments to remember; everyone is allowed to relax and unwind. This does bring some moments of frustration and impatience. We’re not used to spending this much consecutive time with our family, and that can be challenging for some of us. It’s important to try our best and keep the time light; there may be outside issues that we are carrying with us that impact how we’re feeling in the moment.

Ultimately, your family loves you, and if you can find ways to make the best out of the situation, then you’re already in for a good time! Plus, it’s hard to be unhappy when you’re on vacation. So embrace all of the moments: the good and the bad, the exciting and the boring, the funny and the sad (sad when you’re leaving). 

My family finds a lot of these great moments with each other, but we also find it by interacting with others. I’m going to share some of our vacation highlights with all the different people we met.

Carson

We only spent about an hour with this kid, but it was one of the highlights of the trip. We saw him many times throughout the vacation afterwards, he was always happy to see us. 

Dodgeball was scheduled on the green outside the Italian village and the contestants were Jakob, Marcus, Joe, Leo, Andrico, Larry, and Carson. (For the record everyone else that was playing this game was over the age of 18, Carson might be 12).

Carson was not intimidated that the men around him were about a foot taller. He did his best to dodge the shots thrown at him, and kept up with the smack talk the rest of the boys engaged in. 

At one point he even said to Leo, “Damn you suck!” 

Carson did not get one person out the entire time he played dodgeball. 

I’m not one to judge though, I’m not good at dodgeball, but the difference is I know this. In the final game Carson got hit right in the face, his Yankee hat went flying 10 yards from where he was standing, everyone went quiet expecting this kid to start crying and instead, to everyone’s surprise, he started laughing. 

A sigh of relief was passed in unison among us all, Carson is a legend. 

Although Carson is only a kid he is a prime example of being present, and trying his best. He  could feel the intensity of each dodgeball game, and still decided to participate in the fun, even if it did cost him getting smacked in the face. He wasn’t able to throw the ball as hard as the adults or dodge them as quickly, but he laughed, he talked smack, and he celebrated every time his team won. 

During our departure as we checked into the airport I caught his eye as his family stood in line next to mine. I waved and said to the rest (loud enough so he could hear), “Look, it’s Carson!” Everyone turned and waved, and Carson waved back in his Yankees hat. He stood there with a smile on his face, and hopefully a memorable experience he’ll be able to laugh about for the rest of his life. 

Oliver’s Dad

Oliver’s dad might be everyone’s favorite story of the vacation. Let me set the moment.

A man. 

6’1, maybe. 

Swim shirt. 

Hat. 

Sunglasses. 

Holding children’s floaties, and his drink, finds himself walking towards the pool. 

At the swim up bar sits his wife, and children, one of them being Oliver.

Oliver’s dad yells out,

“Oliver!” He steps closer to the pool.

“Oliver!” He steps again.

“Oliv-” 

SPLASH! Oliver’s dad has now fallen into the pool, the only thing in sight was his hand and his cup filled with a dark red liquid sticking straight up out of the water. His drink was the only thing unaffected by the fall, he knows his priorities.

“Sweetie, what are you doing?” Asks Oliver’s dads wife. 

“I just fell into the pool!” Responds Oliver’s dad, unhappy with his current state.

We couldn’t help but begin to laugh.

“I’m not even drunk! And now I’ve already used my best party trick,” Oliver’s dad turns to us with good humor.

“It happens to everyone,” I say because I’m not really sure how to make this mid-30s man feel any better about falling into the pool soberly at 11 in the morning.

“No it does not happen to everyone!” He replies.

“Well at least you saved your drink,” Jakob said to him.

He took a slow, humbled sip.

Oliver’s dad gets out of the pool with his head down, but truly he should keep his head up. My family will never forget how hilarious that moment was. 

We never saw Oliver’s dad again.

Emsdipi and Co.

Emsdipi is an Instagram username, and a way for me to remember someone. One of the best parts about an annual vacation is seeing your vacation friends! We have been fortunate enough to run into Emily, Nick, and their two sons 3 years in a row. It was great to catch up and see how they were all doing this time of year. It’s a beautiful thing to see the same faces and to share new memories with them.

We’re now planning a trip to Atlantic City to meet them for dinner.

Sally and Palmer

Sally and Palmer were a mother-son duo that traveled from Tennessee. They had extremely similar features and knew how to vacation well, in our opinion. We spent more time talking to them then I would have preferred to, and in that time created detailed backstories to better connect with the pair throughout the week.

They were staying for 10 days. Palmer is in college, and Sally is retired at 45 years old. Good for them, right?

We saw them by the pool doing their own things, Sally in her chair reading a book, and Palmer sitting at the swim up bar talking to those around him. We saw them have dinners together at night, talking and laughing. We saw Sally exercising in the morning while we all assumed Palmer was still asleep. 

We talked to them about several different topics while floating in the pool, and in passing. We learned all about Palmer’s lifestyle at University of Tennessee, and how Sally owns a boutique where business has seriously flourished. Everything was extremely surface level, and that’s what made it all so much more fun. There’s no pressure to really connect because hey if you can hold a conversation with someone for more than 15 minutes on vacation you’re instantly best friends. 

To be away for 10 days just mother and son may seem overwhelming. From what we learned they take many vacations together, and make the best of the time while doing so. There are always moments behind closed doors we’re all unaware of, but in the moments we saw them truly enjoy their quality time together, it was kind. 

Although some may see them as an odd pair I think it’s wonderful how they’re able to travel together, and spend their vacations just the two of them. Like I said before, families come in all different shapes and sizes, and clearly they’re trying their best to make the most of it for both of them. 

Aneil

Aneil is someone that knows how to bring the party. He was the driver of “De Bus” a large golf cart, with about six rows, that drove from village-to-village all less than a quarter of a mile away from each other to escort vacationers that maybe didn’t feel like or were not capable of walking. 

My parents and I found ourselves walking up to “De Bus” not knowing much about it, but deciding to go for a ride. We stayed on that bus for over an hour. Aneil created this energy through his flavorful dance moves, the donuts he did around the French Village entrance, and the repetition of the song “Who Let the Dogs Out”. 

This classic song continuously played for the hour we spent on “De Bus”, and every time we listened to it, it was as good as the last. And you’re probably thinking how could you listen to that song for so long? But it was more than the song. It was the different passengers we picked up at each stop, all getting equally excited for the fun environment created by Aneil and ourselves (we know a good time).

We even made friends on “De Bus”. The next night we were exiting off a ride and a hall of fame inductee, Willa, said as we passed, “Of course Amelia is on the party bus!” Another person we met, the Boston man with the British accent, told us how “Who Let the Dogs Out” was his wedding song. He danced to it the same way he did at his wedding sitting in between his two daughters. It was more than just a short taxi ride, it was a memory we all got to share.

We were just a bunch of strangers on a glorified golf-cart doing donuts around the French Village entrance screaming the lyrics we made up to, “Who Let the Dogs Out”. We all found ourselves living in the moment, or at least trying our best to do so.

As I’ve only talked about the art of trying your best, the rest of the agreements are all easier said than done of course. But if Oliver’s dad could have a good sense of humor after soberly falling into the pool at 11 in the morning then we can all find ways to see the positives in the negatives. 

In the end, it’s not only about the big beautiful destination you’re traveling to, but the small moments that make up the trip. The people you meet, and the experiences you share, can be just as valuable if not more than the location itself. 

The novelty of vacation has not worn off on me yet. As I reflect on this unforgettable trip, I realize the essence of a great vacation lies in the art of being present. To embrace the spontaneity that is brought from day-to-day. And above all just simply trying our best. Whether you’re lounging by the pool in 80 degree weather or navigating daily life, these principles in The Four Agreements can transform your experience.

Trying your best is only the first step of allowing yourself to live a more fulfilling life, so now I am challenging you. The next time you go on a trip, whether it’s for a day, a long weekend, with your girlfriends, with your family, or just with yourself; try your best, it may change your entire perspective. 

On a personal note I unintentionally did not have ONE Piña Colada the entire trip, and I’m actually very upset about it.

Until next time,

Meils

Ruiz, Miguel. The Four Agreements: A Toltec Wisdom Book. Amber-Allen Pub, 1997.